thoughts
Hope... Virtue... Solitude... Devotion... Sorrow... Love...
hm... had some serious thots over these few days, i had doubts of my own judgement in my frens... my good frens, frens which i really really care about, i had thots like "wad if they are juz putting on a mask infront of me? wad if they were like my pri/sec sch 'frens'? wun i be making a fool of myself? ok even if they are not putting on any mask, wad if one day i were to lose them?" i had already lost a good fren 6 six years ago, i dun wanna see history repeat in anyway, den i thot of sth yos said to me, he said tt the future and past aint as important as the present, becos the past is already gone, the future has yet to come, wad is here is the present, i took his advice seriously and is now feeling so much better, they ARE my frens, frens which i care so much for, even if i were to lose them oneday, at lest i noe i am treasuring them presently
den, i worry for the future too... worry bout my life, bout my frens(again), my family, can i still bring my frens laughter like i can now? will we drift apart? can they still trust me wif their secret? confide me with their trouble? and my family... will i be able to meet up with their expectation? will i be able to make my parents happy for the rest of their life? can i bring comfort to my family?
u see... i think of so much... whnever u see me stone... i will most prob be thinking of all these stuff, i worry alot, i worry bout wad i juz said, i worry bout my parents health i worry bout my fren's relationship NOT only with me, but oso my frens' relationship with each other, say tt i am fake, say tt i am hypocrite or wadever u want, but when i see my frens fight with each oher, i will always feel down, several occassion already happened.
i worry bout so many other things, i dun have much more space to worry for myself, my condition =X i am not a saint or wadever... infact i am selfish, i worry for so many things, why? cos i want things and people ard me to be happy, i dun want to have sad memories, i want only happy memories
after so much tots.. i think of wad yos said again, and form theis few sentence myself
worry for future is good, however over worrying for future will end up neglecting ur present and results in having no past, someone without a past is as good as having nth... at the same time holding on to the past can be good, however over persistent will cause u to forget about ur present, which will ultimately ruin ur future
my own word of advice? hold on to ur past firmly but not tightly, treasure ur present and think of ur future, not worry bout it.
will i still worry? yes i will, but only worry for my present, treasuring it, i wun hold tt tight to my past and obsess bout my future anymore =D life is beautiful, live it!
as for the part regarding my good frens? haha, i trust them, thats all i nid to noe, and thats all i got to say
The tears dropped on
Friday, September 30, 2005...
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